I should be sponsored by Trojan
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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