people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
