I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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