At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
