between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How does one acquire holy water?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
