the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize