In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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