the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize