my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
