Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
