He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
