Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
