You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
