Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
