This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
