Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
