Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
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Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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