just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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