i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
