so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
