new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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