Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
