You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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