True but thats because hes a fetus.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish you could order shots online.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just want nice things and good sex
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
