Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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