I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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