I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
