No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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