I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
