You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
