You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
