it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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