someone get that fucking seahorse.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
