We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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