I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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