It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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