No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
