from now on my penis is your penis
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
