Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
