Just fell off a train. Bad.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
