So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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