Sry I called you an 8
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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