So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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