you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
