Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
