i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
