I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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