He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
