omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
