and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
