If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
