If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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