you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
