i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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