OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
