yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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