whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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