She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
