"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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