So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
