More tranny stories later!
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
