honey bunches of taint.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I supernannyed him into submission
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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