She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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