My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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