You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
